How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize