Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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