I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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