Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
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So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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