dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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