I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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