In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
