I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
