It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
