It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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