she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
