They should really pass out barf bags in church
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
