It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He passed out mid-signature
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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