i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
