she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
