i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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