i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
