You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
