Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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