I want to walk on stilts...naked
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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