Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
is it fun? or sober?
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