I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize