yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
