so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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