Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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