I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
