Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
