tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
