Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
