i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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