this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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