it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
