I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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