How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My balls are so social today.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
