I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
