so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
