Got a toothbrush?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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