whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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