I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
