so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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