You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
