brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
