I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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