tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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