Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
