after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
