yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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