the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
