Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
