There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
