I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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