He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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