How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
