i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize