very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
