..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.