Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
