They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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