We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
