This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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