Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
