I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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