elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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