I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
