You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
