My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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