Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
