Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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