im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
