Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
