dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
