so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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