I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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