Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
