If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
