It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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