last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
