If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
