Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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